Monday, May 10, 2010

The Word of the Week is...

...Cervical Radiculitis

Tiger Woods, the number 1 golfer in the world, withdrew from The Player's Championship at TPC Sawgrass after an errant tee shot on the 7th hole Sunday. Woods complained of pain in his neck and tingling in his fingers.

"I've been playing through it. I can't play through it anymore," said Woods, who was shooting two over par for the round when he pulled out. This is the first time that Woods has withdrawn from a tournament once play has started. I suspect that this is not the first time that Tiger has pulled out.

Woods received a check-up at the on-course medical facility and was diagnosed with "Cervical Radiculitis, which is characterized by the compression of nerve roots in the upper part of the spine.

"The 'cervical' spine consists of the first seven vertebrae, starting from the bottom of the skull. Radiculitis occurs when the spinal disc presses against the nerves that connect to the spinal cord. Due to the spinal nerves branching out to other areas of the body, the symptoms of cervical radiculitis can be felt in other places besides the location of the affected disc and nerve root. Depending on which disc is affected, you may feel pain in the arms, chest, neck, or shoulders. Other symptoms can include numb fingers and weak muscles in the arms and chest."

"Cervical radiculitis can be effectively diagnosed using MRI equipment, which can identify the location of nerve root compression. CT scans and electrodiagnostic tests can also be useful. With proper treatment, the prognosis for cervical radiculitis is generally good. Mild cases may respond to physical therapy or medications such as NSAIDs or steroids. Cases of cervical radiculitis that fail to respond to conservative treatment methods can be effectively treated with surgery to relieve the compression of the nerve root. At the Bonati Institute for Advanced Arthroscopic Surgery, operations are done on an outpatient basis and have a 90+ percent immediate success rate, as compared to the roughly 50 percent success rate for open back surgery."

Cirvical Radiculitis shouldn't be confused with the ailment that Golf Channel reporter Win McMurray diagnosed Woods with. In a tawdry Freudian slip, McMurray explained that "[Woods] says he's been playing with a bad neck for about a month and thinks it could be a bulging dick". McMurray quickly corrected herself and made it clear that she was talking about a "disk in his upper back" and not the male organ that has contributed to Tiger's recent marital woes and stints in rehab.

Cirvical Radiculitis should also not be confused with Ridiculitis, which is the state of someone or something being utterly and totally ridiculous. In honor of the words of the week, here are my top 5 things that may or may not be infected with Ridiculitis.

5. The Chicago Cubs bullpen. Grabow and Russell are either having a bout of Ridiculitis or, as many psuedo-doctors have diagnosed, they just suck.

4. Sami Salo of the Vancouver Canucks. Salo suffered a ruptured testicle during Sunday night's contest with the Blackhawks. A ruptured testicle automatically doubles as a case of ridiculitis.

3. Aramis Ramirez and Derrek Lee. Derrek Lee (.210 batting average) and Aramis Ramirez (.160 batting average) 31 and 30 games into the season respectively. Their combined (lack of) game has a chronic case of Ridiculitis.

2. The obsession with everything Milton Bradley by the collective Chicago media. Seems to be a very pervasive case of Ridiculitis.

1. Chicago's recently developed obsession with all things Blackhawks hockey. Could only be a drug and alcohol fueled strain of Ridiculitis.

Receiving infected with Ridiculitis honorable mention are the pronunciation of the name of Celtics point guard Rajon (alternately pronounced RAY-jon, RA-jon, and RAW-jon by telecasters, sports anchors, and the NBA's online name reference) Rondo, anything that Ozzie Guillen and Lou Pinella say after a loss, the pop band Passion Pit, and the Tampa Bay Rays for having a perfect game thrown against them by a soft-tossing southpaw (Oakland Athletics pitcher Dallas Braden was the culprit this time) 2 years in a row.

What are some people, places, and things that you have an inkling are suffering from a mild to heavy case of Ridiculitis?

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